Sober Doesn't Mean Happy: What Comes Next

I thought once I got sober, everything would fall into place. The chaos would end, the relationships would heal, and happiness would naturally follow. I'd put down the drugs, cleaned up my life, and checked all the boxes that recovery programs told me to check.

But ten years in, I was still miserable.

The substances were gone, but I felt more lonely than ever—like I was sitting in a dark room all by myself.

That's when my journey began. I soon learned something crucial: sobriety isn't the destination. It's just clearing the path.

I spent decades thinking I was broken, that addiction had damaged me beyond repair. Then I discovered a different truth entirely. I wasn't broken – I was just covered up. Like a lamp that's always plugged in but hidden under layers of fabric, the light was always there. I just couldn't see it anymore.

The drugs were just one layer. Getting sober was just the most glaring. There were other coverings: cigarettes, shame, caffeine, self-pity, relationships, anger, education. I used so many things to feel better.

The real work – the work that leads to actual happiness – is about identifying and removing those remaining layers. It's about confronting the subtle ways we still block ourselves off from the connection and joy we desperately want.

Recovery meant learning how to uncover it.

So if you're reading this from your own dark room, wondering why sobriety hasn't magically fixed everything, you're not alone. You're not broken. You're not doing recovery wrong.

You're just ready for what comes next.

What are you using to feel better that might actually be keeping you isolated?

This is the first in a series about what needs to go.